I didn’t intend for one of my first entries to be so dark, but here it is.

I’m in full self hate mode.

I sat down and wrote a list of all the things I  want to accomplish on a daily or weekly basis. I wanted to try and plan it out and organize. Even if I don’t always follow a schedule. I like having it to give me direction if I can’t think of what I should be doing.

It overwhelmed me.

I went to the college website to see if I could do anything… anything to figure out what my course of action would be. Counseling is only for students. I have to apply and be accepted. It was like having an entire ton of bricks dropped right on my head.

I can’t do it.

I won’t go to school. I won’t do anything.

I think I should just die.